Why would anypony do that?
by R.O.TR
Summary: Apple Bloom is both confused and grossed out when Diamond Tiara brings up the subject of 'kissing' to try and set the young filly up for a fall...


Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, Hasbro and co do.

_Author's note: This is set a little while before Twilight Sparkle arrived/the CMC met and formed. _

**Apple Bloom in**: _**Why would anypony do that? **_

Apple Bloom traipsed her way into school, yawning as she went. It had been a long weekend playing (and occasionally helping) out on the farm, and she had ignored her sister Applejack's warning/advice and stayed up far too late. That late night was coming back to get its revenge before the day had even properly started. The young filly guessed that as long as she managed to go the entire day without Cheerilee asking her anything she might be able to last the school day without it being noticed.

She entered the classroom, only her seat and one other currently empty. She glanced around the room as she made her way towards her own familiar seat, but noticed with some displeasure that there was no sign of Twist anywhere. Who would she be able to talk to today if Twist didn't turn up?

"Oh Apple Bloom late are you?" asked a pretentious voice as the young filly took her seat. "Too busy collecting apples to get to school on time?"

"Nah, I did that yesterday," replied Apple Bloom, not turning to face Diamond Tiara. "Today I'm just tired."

"Oh well not all ponies have to do that ghastly work out in the fields," said Diamond Tiara, "I happened to have a lot of fun yesterday."

"Oh really," said Apple Bloom in an emotionless voice, not particularly interested in what bragging/insult her classmate might have for her today.

"Yes I did, I had a lot of fun at my party," said Diamond Tiara, before dramatically putting one hoof up to her mouth as though she had gasped. "Oh now would you look at that, I must have forgotten to invite you. How very dreadful of me Apple Bloom."

"That's nice for you," said Apple Bloom not paying attention as she withdrew her pencil from her desk. She desperately needed a new one, this was ridiculously tiny.

"And I did a lot of interesting things," said Diamond Tiara, face starting to turn red as she realized she was being ignored. "Of course they were things simple farm folk like yourself probably never get to do. Cake and decoration everywhere, daddy wanted the best for me."

"I guess that's what happens when you're filthy rich…I mean your dad is Filthy Rich," said Apple Bloom. Diamond Tiara gave a little huff of disapproval.

"And while I was there I got my first kiss," said Diamond Tiara in her most smuggest voice yet. "Not that you would know what it is like."

"Kiss?" asked Apple Bloom. "Why'd you want that?"

"Oh my, _I was right_," said Diamond Tiara giving a mock gasp of horror. "Did you hear that Silver Spoon, Apple Bloom hasn't even been kissed."

"Hey that isn't-," started Apple Bloom.

"How sad," said Silver Spoon. "I guess she spends too much time in the mud and with apples to ever be a kissable pony."

"I do like t' play in the mud," said Apple Bloom who was starting to feel a little agitated. "I play games with ma family."

"Apple family all playing in the mud," said Silver Spoon. "Gross."

Annoyed Apple Bloom said nothing (finding herself unable to come up with either an insult or retort thanks to her tiredness) and merely stared forward, gripping her pencil tightly in her mouth. She could hear it crack slightly as she gritted her teeth, and let out a faint 'blearguh' as a few chips of pencil fell on her tongue. She could sense Diamond Tiara was about to say something else, but luckily Cheerilee appeared, smile on her face.

"Hello my little ponies," she said warmly. "Today's first lesson is-,"

* * *

"I don't get what the big deal is," said Apple Bloom as she trotted home. "I know I've been kissed before."

Even though it was now the end of the school day, her first interaction of the day still weighed on her mind. She still didn't get what the big deal was. What was so important about a kiss? It wasn't like it was a game, or something to eat. She doubted it would be something fun. But both Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara seemed to find it something to enjoy. Perhaps it was some kind of rich pony kiss they were talking about?

"I don't think that'd happen on the farm," said Apple Bloom to herself.

"Talking to yourself kissless wonder?" asked Diamond Tiara as she marched past Apple Bloom, Silver Spoon in tow.

"Yeah…?" said Apple Bloom surprising her classmate. "Don't ya ever do that too?"

"Whatever," replied Diamond Tiara, rolling her eyes and walking off with her friend.

"Jerks," said Apple Bloom pouting. She continued on her way home in an annoyed silence, grumpy thoughts occasionally passing through her head. Without even realizing she had made the full journey, she suddenly found herself in front of the farm.

"That was quick."

"What's up, you look mighty gloomy today," said her big sister, trotting up to greet Apple Bloom.

"Oh it's just school sis," said Apple Bloom. Suddenly inspiration hit! Of course it was so obvious!

"School can be hard sometimes," said Applejack. "Was it the math problems? I always had problems with those things."

"No it wasn't that," said Apple Bloom. A strange look crossed her face, giving Applejack the hibbie jibbies. "Say sis, can I ask you a favour?"

"Sure…thing?" asked Applejack sounding a little creeped out.

"Could you give me a kiss?" asked Apple Bloom suddenly breaking out the puppy dog eyes.

"Sure thing sugarcube," said Applejack. She leant over and gave her sister a quick peck on the forehead. Apple Bloom smiled as Applejack leant back. "When you had that look on your face I thought you wanted me to do something awful."

"No, no," said Apple Bloom shaking her head. She was certain Granny Smith had done it before, but thanks to Applejack she could now definitely tell Diamond Tiara that she had been kissed. She was certain her classmate would be so annoyed and jealous!

* * *

"Your sister?" asked Diamond Tiara.

"Pukeatronic!" said Silver Spoon.

"I don't get it, you said kiss and I got a kiss," said Apple Bloom. "Or are you saying there's something wrong with my sis?" She almost added a growl as she said the last part.

"Not _that_ type of kiss," said Diamond Tiara rolling her eyes. "Anypony can get that- daddy gives me a kiss before I go to bed every night."

"And that's…not _pukeatronic_?" asked Apple Bloom.

"Of course not," came the reply, and further eye rolling. "But a family kiss doesn't count."

"Why not?" asked Apple Bloom. "That's not fair!"

"It has to be a kiss from a boy," snorted Silver Spoon. "That'll count."

"Oh, I'd be too embarrassed to ask Big Mac," groaned Apple Bloom.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon's eyes briefly met and then they giggled.

"It doesn't count with family remember? It'd have to be a colt…from this school."

"A colt?" shouted Apple Bloom before lowering her voice. "Why'd I want to do that?"

"Because it's the rules," said Diamond Tiara. "I was kissed by the most handsome, strongest, awesomest colt in all of Equestria!" she added, not noticing Silver Spoon give a subtle shake of her head.

"But that sounds gross!" said Apple Bloom. "And yucky…and pukeat-what the hay does pukeatronic mean anyway?"

"It doesn't matter," came the reply from Diamond Tiara. "What does matter is until you do this, not only are you a blank flank, you're a kissless wonder too." The meanness in her voice was almost like a solid object Apple Bloom could reach out and touch.

As Apple Bloom glanced down with a sad look, the other two ponies briefly whispered among themselves, before a mischievous look crossed both their faces.

"Don't worry Apple Bloom, we'll find you somepony to kiss tomorrow," said Diamond Tiara.

"You…will?" asked Apple Bloom uncertainly.

"Sure, it's the least we could do for a _friend_."

* * *

Apple Bloom sat in silence on top of a hay bale as Big Mac cleared space in the barn. She found herself glancing out the window at the tress outside, occasionally sighing to herself. She still didn't get what the big deal was about this whole kissing thing. Her big sister was kind and helpful and honest, so why did they look so grossed out when she said Applejack had been the one to give her a kiss? Someponies just confused they hay out of her.

"Big Mac…?" she asked, snapping her attention away from the trees.

"Eyup?"

"Have you ever been kissed?" asked Apple Bloom.

Big Mac's eyes glanced around nervously, almost as though looking for an exit. Finally he merely nodded.

"Was it fun?" she asked.

Another nod, more subtle this time.

"Was it with Applejack?"

Big Mac's head shot up and he stared at Apple Bloom.

"Nope!" he exclaimed surprisingly loudly.

"Have you done it recently?" she asked. He shook his head.

"What's so amazing about being kissed?" she whined.

Big Mac paused for a moment and then returned to clearing the floor space. Apple Bloom wasn't certain, but she thought she saw her brother blushing as he went about his work.

* * *

Three days on from her classmates first bringing up the subject Apple Bloom found herself greeting the end of another school day. Cheerilee was quickly mentioning what homework she wanted for tomorrow, but Apple Bloom couldn't hear her, distracted by worries about what her richer classmates might have in store for her.

"See you tomorrow my little ponies," said Cheerilee, and with that class ended.

"Come this way," said Silver Spoon grabbing Apple Bloom's shoulder. Diamond Tiara just about held in a giggle as the trio marched outside.

"So what am I doing again?" she asked.

"Just follow us, we'll tell you what to do."

A few seconds later they were outside and behind the school building, Apple Bloom apprehensively noticing they were out of view here. A shuffling caught her attention, and then suddenly Snails appeared stepping forwards. He looked just as confused as Apple Bloom.

"I still don't get it," he said in a very confused tone.

"Just sit down," said Diamond Tiara. "And Apple Bloom you sit there."

The duo sat down facing one another, a small gap in between them. Apple Bloom was starting to feel a lot more uneasy.

"Erm…" she started.

"Now just move your heads forward slowly."

"Is this slow enough?" asked Snails, moving at a glacial pace.

"A little faster."

The two ponies slowly moved closer together, Apple Bloom's eyes glancing around nervously. There was no way this was good. No way at all.

"What do we do next eh?" asked Snails.

"Make your lips touch and then just stay like that for a few seconds," said Silver Spoon as her friend was wracked with silent giggles that shook her whole frame.

Moving even slower Apple Bloom continued. Snails closed his eyes and opened his mouth slightly. He looked goofy, and she could see right up his nose and now his mouth was really close and she felt him breathe on her and-

"Ewww!" she said backing away so quickly she almost rolled over. Snails too took a step back.

"I don't think I can do this," he said.

"But you must!" said Diamond Tiara desperately. "I have to make you- I mean you have to do it!"

Apple Bloom and Snails briefly looked at one another, eyes meeting.

"But it's gross!" they said in unison.

"No, but, but," said Diamond Tiara.

"I don't know why ya'd want to do a thing like this," said Apple Bloom shaking her head.

"But-but-,"

"I gotta go find Snips," said Snails, quickly excusing himself.

"And I think I'm needed on the farm," said Apple Bloom. "You can stay here and talk about your…kisses," she continued, adding a faint eww sound at the end.

"But I-,"

Apple Bloom ran off, thinking to herself 'why would anypony want to do that?' As the afternoon sun beamed down on her, little did the little pony know how in just a few months time she would meet her best friends. And how, come the next heart's and hooves day she would try to do the same thing (with nobler intentions) to her teacher.

But for now…

Ewwwwww!


End file.
